Starting Over
by GoWithALLUrHeart
Summary: I road on, trying hard to not look behind me; I watched from the window as the rest of the cars ambled on, still jumping everything I was a black Chevy pass, the realization sinks in, he wasn’t coming back, he was dead. Memories of that last night came fl
1. The Smell of his Sweater

BPOV

* * *

November-

I road on, trying hard to not look behind me; I watched from the window as the rest of the cars ambled on, still jumping everything I was a black Chevy pass, the realization sinks in, he wasn't coming back, he was dead. Memories of that last night came flooding back.

_June-_

_Our high was contagious, Alice and I were on top of the world, we had just come back from a dance trip, blasting music and dancing in my little red Camry. I drove her home, it seemed like forever since I had seen him, though it was just last week he left to check out Stanford and I went off to dance. Last night I was on the phone with him just before he boarded his plane, he had tonight all mapped out, though he wouldn't tell me what were going to do._

_I pulled down the street and saw his truck gleaming, clean of coarse, he wouldn't settle for anything less._

_"I will saw goodbye now," said Alice, "I know as soon as he sees you I won't see you the rest of the night."_

_I pulled into the driveway, but it wasn't Edward waiting to pull me into a suffocating hug, instead, it was Esme, puffy and teary eyed._

_"Alice….Bella…," She looked at each of us, " Edward passed away…"_

_I didn't hear anything else, I fell back against his slick Chevy and pulled his sweatshirt I had been wearing tighter about my frame. I felt cold, the warmth drained from my face, the gaiety from minutes before… evaporated. I yanked on his trucks door and dragged myself up onto the seats. At some point that night Alice came and set with me, I'm not sure how long a laid their for._

November-

Esme had taken and combined all his sweatshirts into one large blanket as a belated graduation gift; it now rode in the back of my car with the rest of my belongings I am bringing back to UCR with me. Thanksgiving break over, Alice and I were headed back to school for a finals before winter break.

"You're doing it again." Said Alice as she glanced over at me from the wheel.

"Hm." was my reply.

"Thinking of him, your eyes start to brim every time."

"I think I'm going to transfer to UCSB, I'm to close to home at UCR, I need to get away."

"I will miss you."

"I will miss you too, but I will write, and it isn't that far. I think I just need to start fresh, when I came to UCR I was, well I still am constantly with him."

"I understand, he was my brother, but then again, I think you had a deeper connection. I mean my brothers gone, but you, you still seem to be missing part of your self."

I just looked at her, that's how I felt, as If half of myself had been torn away, without a chance to even say goodbye.


	2. UCSB

**BPOV**

January-

A few weeks after winter brake and I was on a plane, transferring schools wasn't hard with my grades and that fact that UCR and UCSB just happened to be sister schools. Looking out the window it started to come back to me.

_June-_

_It was too much for Alice and me, the thought of him stone cold, we had to get away from his house, his things, his way of life. Three days after we returned home, on the eve of graduation, she spent the night at my house. We set up on my bed, watching Scrubs re-runs and drinking flavored water. We were finally laughing, looking forward to going and rooming at UCR together, finally I had to ask._

_"Alice… What happened? I still haven't gotten the story straight… I mean… he called me before he got on that plane, he was on his way home, he had loved the campus… he…he…" I stopped short._

_"Bella… his plane… it crashed…one of the wires came lose, honest mistake, but the pilot lost control…"_

_"Okay…yea… Okay"_

_"Bella…"_

_"Yea, Alice"_

_"I'm glad you are here with me" she said as she leaned over to give me a hug._

_"You are like my sister Alice, we can get through this together."_

January-

I was going to miss Alice… but she had a new boy in her life, Jasper, as oddly gorgeous and inhumanely brilliant he was… he fit with her, she would be okay. My plane was landing; I would grab a taxi and hope my bags were already at my dorm.

**APOV**

January-

Reflecting on it, this year has been that hardest after Edwards's death… the Belle I knew is gone, in her place is a façade, a shell of the happiness she used to emanate. Starting college, I'm just glad I found Jasper last Semester. I noticed him in my humanities class, godlike, immediately I was drawn to him, oh, and something else… he just so happens to be a vampire.

I laugh to myself at the thought, really the only difference was his inhuman beauty, rock hard cold skin, and oh, did I mention he drank animal blood instead of eating food? He looks so paper pale in sunlight, almost translucent, but still, he can pass for human, if you don't look to close. Initially I guess it was a shock, but I don't care, I love him too much to care, my only regret is that I can't tell Bella. I just hope she is happy at UCSB; she needed a change… well… cheers to a new semester.

**EPOV**

_June-_

_I open my eyes one at a time, the room is dark but the bed I am lying on is soft, I feel cold, happy the pain is gone._

_"What the hell?" I say to myself._

_I thought back to myself, for once really figuring out who I had become. Emmett walked into the room._

_"I was supposed to graduate today." I tell him. He looks at me, his face grim, understanding. "My family, Alice, oh god Bella… BELLA… oh god. What do I do now! What the hell HAPPENED why did you change me into this... this…this monster!!"_

_" Breath… well you don't have to, but for my sake pretend to at lest breath. Rosalie and I heard you on the phone with her, before you got on the plane and the plane was going down. We couldn't let you die, so I bit, and we jumped."_

_"AND?"_

_"And what?"_

_"What do I do now!?"_

_"You learn control, we will help you, you can stay with us as long as you like, then when your ready in a few months you can stay, or go on your way… you could even go to the local college it you like, this is a beginning, embrace it."_

_"Without Bella I don't want to embrace anything."_

_  
" I understand, this will be hard, but… some of our kind come in contact with humans…some even date…marry…change them…" Trust me please, would you rather be six feet under?"_

_I understood where he was coming from, but still._

_"Okay… ummm…last question… where are we?"_

_"Santa Barbara, California"_


	3. Cold Sweat

EPOV:

Jan-

Self-control was easier then I thought It would have been, I was happy that the sunlight didn't mess with us like in those old horror films I used to watch. Sure, my eyes were brown instead of their old dark green, but on the up side I have rock hard abs, literally. And being cold to the touch is better than dead right? This half life, and besides, Emmett and Rosalie were very sweet, sometimes they were too generous to me… they were helping me pay for UCSB, Cheers to my first day of college I guess, alone.

BPOV:

Feb-

I remember the first time I opened my doom room door, there was Angela, waiting for me. The sweetest person I have ever meet, we are both Psychology majors and she showed me the ropes right off the bat. So far the semester has been great, my favorite class is Tuesdays and Thursdays with Angela 2nd hour, we have Mr. Hendry for Sociology. He says that at the end of the year he will pair us up with people from his other classes and take a week trip to an Indian reservation to interact and observe. Meanwhile we talk about the effects of society on people, breaking it down generation wise. Angela and I have a blast in that class. True, the food here is way better, and my classes are pretty amazing, but I still miss Alice at home. We talk every other day and email every few hours, apparently things with her and Jasper are for the long run. And, of course I still miss him… I wasn't going to tell anyone, I was going to keep my past in the past, but seeing as I talk in my sleep it was hard. I woke up one night screaming his name, reliving that night, that's when she asked. In the end, Im glad I ended up telling her, I think to myself as I walk into the student union for lunch.

" Hey Bella!" Angela waves me over from the other side of the Cafeteria, "How was first hour?" She asked when I finally made my way over to here.

"Blah, if only I had passed AP stats, I wouldn't be stuck taking class from Mr. Mode." was my reply.

She laughs, "Math is my week point too."

Edwards was, I thought to myself, I sat down after grabbing a turkey wrap. That's when I saw him, my mind playing with me, Edwards, I would have sworn it was Edward talking to Mike across the cafeteria. I blinked, and this boy was still there, but he wasn't my Edward, my Edward wasn't as pale as this man, and his eyes were brown, mine's were a deep green. No, this guy across the cafeteria was a tease, a haunt from my past. Edward, my Edward was dead, and no one could change that. Angela was ranting on about some project she was working on for Mr. Leach.

I spent the rest of my day in a daze, and that night my nightmare was unforgettable, leaving me to wake in a cool sweat.

_"I love you." He whispered in my ear._

_I gazed up at him, we were in our favorite park, one he found when we were kids, one we had made our own. The park became our escape from reality. My response was to snuggle closer into his arms and lay my head on his heart._

_I smiled in my sleep, he may be dead, but I was always happy when he visited me in my dreams, but this wasn't a dream. All of the sudden Edward grew ice cold, stone cold, I looked up at him, his smile was still beautiful, but too beautiful, and his eyes, his eyes were blood red._


	4. The Truth

EPOV:

* * *

February-

College was everything I dreamed, I feel more Alive than I have for months. Sure, UCSB wasn't Stanford but I really couldn't remember why I had such a fixation with Stanford, in truth, most of my human memories were fuzzy. I really only remember her, them smile that always played with her lips, the way she would tease me about my truck, purposely sitting on the hood just so I would pull her off, the strawberry smell that lingered in her hair…

My past was fuzzy, but she was still crystal clear, but I couldn't go back to her. I thought about it, as soon as I was under control I went home. I perched at her window and watched her sleep, she as so peaceful. She would say my name, I had thought she was awake it was so clear; she said she loved me, she asked me to come home. She didn't need me to come back and shake up her life, she needed to stay at UCR, with Alice, with humans.

Being a vampire really wasn't that bad, super powers, no sleep, I could read minds that made school easy. I was more confident and making friends took little effort.

Lunch was interesting though I can't eat 'human food', I was talking to Mike today at lunch, he was grabbing something and wanted me to join him, I fabricated a paper for Mr. Hendry's class. Mr. Hendry was by far my favorite teacher; I couldn't wait till the trip he had planed at the end of the year.

April-

The hall way was crowded as I made my way to Mr. Hendry's class, 4th hour Tuesdays and Thursdays, I was going to meet up with Mike a little early, but from the distance I saw him chatting up this girl, and my guts twisted in agony. She was the spitting image of my Bella, and if I hadn't been one hundred percent sure she as at UCR I would have gone into shock. Still, who ever this girl was through me for a loop.

She was there, sitting on the stairs, talking to Mike, I thought I was dreaming. It was Bella, my Bella, chatting up Mike. Something within me bubbled inside my stomach and though no heart beat in my chest if it did it would have broke, the blood in my veins that now sit cold would have boiled, but the pit of my stomach, the pit of my stomach was sinking. Had I been able my eyes would have teared, but I couldn't cry, and that wasn't Bella sitting with Mike, because Bella was with Alice at UCR, right?

Just to be sure I smooth talked my way into the records room, as if to prove myself wrong. I made my way through the files until I came to Swan, Isabella Marie, and there, staring up at me, was Bella.

Name: Isabella Marie Swan

Status: Transfer, UCR

GPA: 3.74

Year: 1

APs Passed: 4

Blah Blah Blah:

She had been here a while semester, how could I have missed her, this close to me. Within three minutes I was at the Hale's house.

"EMMETT!" I stormed into the front door, almost shattering the frame. Emmett appeared silently in front of me.

"Yea?!" he asked alarmed, I collapsed on the sofa silent, I couldn't grasp this new found knowledge, the idea Bella, my Bella, was here. I yearned with every fiber of my being to run to her, pull her into my arms, explain everything. But I couldn't, I wouldn't ruin her.

"Bella…she…she transferred here…in January."

"That's great!"

"NO," I growled, " I'm a monster, I can't be with her while she is human!"

All was silent for a moment then finally Emmett spoke up. "Did I ever tell you Rose has a brother?" I looked up at him, I had never heard that before. Emmett continued, " He used to live with us, last year he started growing to restless, she goes to UCR now, and he loves it there, and Edward, he has a human girlfriend, and she knows. They love each other, you can try to stay away from her all you want, but true love haunts.

"Rosalie's brother…"

"Jasper"

"Jasper, how does he do it, how can he be so close to someone that breakable, all the time…"

"I have an idea, what if I give him a call, go visit, talk to him, apparently they love each other and will someday make it official. And, at some point she will become one of us.

"I Will go see him."


	5. Denny's

**Hey everyone, I'm sorry for the wait im dying with school work, my classes are pretty much done but with ASB and such I have been doing alot... This chapter is short, but I felt that i needed to get SOMETHING up... more on the way I promise... it is all in my head... :)**

EPOV:

Chapter Five:

"You must be Edward"

"You must be Jasper," we sat at Denny's near the campus, the thought of Alice going to school, growing up, struck me all over again.

"My brother said you were having human girl problems."

I took all of 5 minutes to explain my predicament with Bella, "I just want to know if it is possible, if I can risk being in her life, if staying away is what's best for her," quietly I whisper half to myself, "the agony is killing me."

Jasper thought for a long moment before responding, "I can't tell you how to live your life Edward, while I have deep empathy for your situation only you can be the judge of your future, of your ability to control yourself, I can though, explain my relationship. As of now she is my girlfriend, but I hope one day soon Alice will be much more than that…"

"Wait…ALICE?"

"Yes, her name is Alice Cullen, and yes, she is your sister."

"I don't know what to say, you knew this whole time that we were related?"

"On the contrary, I just found out this morning, I knew Alice had lost a brother and about Bella, but I didn't know you were the lost brother until Emmett called about Bella, but while Alice is my story, the point now is to fix your love life, not ruin mine, you sister is perfectly all right."

"Okay" Thousands of thoughts flew through my head as I attempted to focus on Jaspers story.

"I came to UCR to get to know people, not just to study them in class but to bond with them, I figured through friendship, but I was in for a reality check. At first she was just the girl that sat next to me in class, then, she became the person I called for, well my pretense was homework help, but in reality I just wanted to hear her voice. I became drawn to her, in away I couldn't understand, I shouldn't have fallen for her, but I did. The way she smiled, or crinkled her nose when she laughed, how light just emanated from her. My world stopped revolving around the sun, she became my reason to live… truthfully I'm not sure how to explain it. Anyways, study dates turned into real dates that turned into… a relationship, three months later, just before thanksgiving break I took her for a walk…and told her the truth about me, and do you know what she said… she said that she knew, not exactly, but that she had an idea, and that it didn't matter. And that was the end of it. I know deep down that I will never hurt her and that it is possible for us to coexist. You just have to pick, do you think she can handle it? If you really love her restraint shouldn't be a factor in your decision."

We sat there for a long while in silence, he let me think over what he said, he had endless patience, I couldn't have found a better fit for my sister myself. My thoughts raced a million a minute. I knew a few things for sure: that no matter what it will work out, that I missed the smell of her hair, the way she would cringe when I tickled her under the knee, the way she looked at me so confused, her teasing complaining about the way I drove, and I knew… deep down, that she had my heart, that life went from being a void to having meaning. My mind was made up before I realized there was a decision; I had just been in denial. So many months away from her for the best… fate has a lot to do, but all I can do is jump.

I realized I had been rubbing the bridge of my nose again, something I did while I pondered, I remembered Jasper and looked up at him.

"Thanks, you really helped me put things in perspective, any time you need anything let me know… and please, one more thing? I'm going to talk to Alice tomorrow… please don't mention anything until I explain it to her."

"No problem, good luck… I will probably see you tomorrow"

With that I got up and went for a drive… About 10 miles out of the city I called Alice.

"Alice?"

"Yes, this is she… who is this?"

"It's your brother… Edward"


End file.
